confessions of a utah mormon mommy

Just reading the title of this post causes me a bit of anxiety. I feel a bit like Tiger Woods watching his wife read his old text messages. But I felt like it was time to reveal a little about myself so as you read please be do so with an understanding heart and a non-judgy soul.

{deep breath}

Here goes: I don't know how to say this, but I've never modge podged before. I don't even know what the stuff is! I've heard it's great and many people I know and love swear by it, but it eludes me.

Next, I don't shop at Costco! {gasp} We went to my parents for Thanksgiving and my Dad had some jalapeno spinach dip and so many peanut M&M's it would make your head spin. I asked him where he got all the delicious goods and his response was always, "Costco, of course!" I then asked if he considered himself a "Costco Snob" (said with air quotes....naturally!) he said, "Yeah, we go there every Saturday." I will admit, I wouldn't mind buying enormous bottles of vitamins and buying diapers that come in such a large package they barely fit in your SUV. And where else can you get a 2 gallon container of mayo, buy a giant trampoline, spend $250 in less than a half an hour, and buy a casket? They do sell caskets online it can be found under the 'funeral' section....in case you were wondering.

Now this next one is especially hard for me to reveal as I fear my own mother will disown me.
I....don't....own...a...hot...glue...gun!
I certainly grew up in a house where there was always one plugged in, you never know when a broken plate will need fixing or have to make a craft for the ladies on your visiting teaching route. Nothing says 'I love you' more than a hand made gift given out of hands with blister filled finger tips. I recently attended an enrichment where we were making a fall craft. When the announcement was made I was excited and wanted to participate.....then they said we should bring a hot glue gun if we had one. I was suddenly overcome with fear.....someone is bound to find out I don't own one! So the night came and I went to the church, I thought if I just pretended I forgot mine all would be well and no one would 'find me out'......thankfully it worked. I came home with a lovely fabric pumpkin centerpiece...phew! That was a close one.

I have never successfully made a jello salad. There was one pathetic attempt a year and a half ago and my jello making ended there. I hope my bishop isn't reading this I could be in some real trouble.

I hope I still have some friends by the end of this and I saved this one for last to lessen the blow. I have not seen New Moon.....I hope nobody just fainted! Believe me I've heard all about Jacob's abs, killer bod, and dreamy eyes. If I had a dollar for every blog I've read about that movie I could buy a premium membership at Costco and have the opportunity to gorge myself every Saturday on all the samples of food. And I would make sure my first purchase would be a hot glue gun, and maybe a Bedazzler.

Please stop breathing into a paper bag and listen to this last part. I do enjoy fry sauce, funeral potatoes, scrapbooking and an occasional diet coke. I hope that, at least, puts me in good standings.....